Adolescence: The Question of Why, Not Who

Netflix’s drama Adolescence has sparked conversations across the country because it dares to ask WHY, not WHO. It challenges us to look beyond the headlines and see the complex realities young people face: the pressures, the choices, and the circumstances that shape their paths. 

The reality is that most of the people we work with at 3Pillars who are serving time for murder all say the same thing:

Every morning when I'd pick up that knife, I never for a second thought that I'd actually use it.

One of our graduates, L, has given us permission to share a poem he wrote called Fear. It gives unparalleled insight into the minds of other men he spoke to and the thoughts that went through their head on the day that changed their lives forever.

Just like this poem, Netflix's Adolescence brings to life the realities of peer pressure, the need to survive and the split-second decisions that change lives forever - portraying how fear, desperation and environment can lead young people down tragic paths.

But to truly understand, to prevent and to heal we must ask why. 

Through our work, we hear these stories firsthand. They are stories of poverty, of survival, of fractured families and friendships, of communities where violence is not an exception but an expectation. They are stories of young people who, in another life—with the right support, guidance, and opportunities—could have walked a different path.

Fear is not an excuse, but it is an explanation. 

A lack of control is something which permeates the lives of almost everyone we meet. Our challenge is to help them regain a sense of control, even against the backdrop of what is often a chaotic life.

There is no easy solution to this. Rugby provides an excellent gateway to increased resilience, self control and personal growth and our mentoring encourages self reflection at every step. However, we have a new trick up our sleeve which we are very excited about. 

Peter - ex-army, psychotherapist, general manager at 3Pillars - has long been a part of the team in one way or another. He recently brought to us something he felt could really change lives. Stoicism. 

Stoicism teaches that while we can't control everything that happens to us, we do have complete control over how we respond. Peter has started 16 Stoicism sessions with our first group and the feedback has been quite incredible. Keep an eye out for an upcoming post on stoicism.